u know wat?
just realized.
my 16th bday is in conjunction with da 100th day of gma's passing. HAAAAAIIHHH...
ANDDDDDDDD....!!
it's a sabBath. *sighs more*
AANNNDDDD...!!!!
sha's not gonna be there. *HUGE sigh*
BUUUTTT....!!
least ka eLLa n mBa aYu'll be back by then...
guess there's always a LITTLE light to every DARK tunnel eh? hehehehe..
peace~
Sunday, January 31, 2010
From sHasHa, with LovE
The moon was shining brightly and the stars were twinkling in the sky as I leaned on the railing and gazed upwards. Suddenly, a bright flash of light streaked across the night sky and disappeared on the ocean’s horizon. I smiled to myself.
“Its a beautiful night”, I said to no one in particular.
I sighed contently as I lowered myself on the patio chair. The grandfather clock in the living room chimed as it struck 12 midnight. Miu, our family cat, padded across the room on her velvety paws and leapt onto my lap. She purred happily as I scratched her behind the ears.
“Caught any mouse, Miu?,” i said to the cat.
Miu mewed back in response as if to answer my question. I gazed back towards the dark Pacific Ocean in front of me. The rhythm of the waves breaking on the shore and the night sounds surrounded me as I stretched out on the chair. It soothed my senses and made me feel at peace. I closed my eyes, allowing a flurry of memories to come back and encase me in a whirl of emotions.
It was a bright Tuesday morning, I recalled. I first noticed her as she went up the stage. She was a gangly fourteen-year-old youth awkwardly making her way towards Cikgu Isa, our Discipline Master. He handed over the dark green tie emblazoned with our school logo to her and posed for a picture. She was now officially a prefect. After that, she made her way down the steps and walked the aisle towards me at the back row. She sat herself on the empty seat beside me. I immediately struck up a conversation with her as I was already bored by the twenty minutes trying to keep myself from yawning and sinking into a stupor. I was really bored to that point. As we talked, I instantly captured because I didn’t meet many fourteen-year-olds who could talk about the things we did, much less with a seventeen-year-old like me. We were whispering so animatedly that we didn’t even realize that assembly was over until the scraping of the metal chairs signaling the end of the assembly. Our school had recess after our chapel session. I brought my tray of food and sat with her while we talked and ate our breakfast. By the time the bell rang for lessons to resume, I walked back to my class feeling slightly elated as I might have found someone who is on the same wavelength as I am. In case you’re wondering why I said that, let me put it this way. Although my class has 40 students and I’m in my seventeenth year, I still couldn’t find anyone who could talk like her and that intrigued my curiosity.
Since that day onwards, I started spending time with her. It didn’t matter to me that she was two years younger than me and some people deem it uncool for a senior to be hanging around a junior, or so says the social strata of today’s teenagers. Keep to the status quo, people. But I didn’t give a hoot about that. We slowly opened up and get to know each other better. I would confide in her and talk to her about things I don’t usually tell people. It was strange how it worked that way. I was her shoulder to cry on and hers, mine. We spent many happy days in each other other’s company. All those times we spent sweating over exams, gushing over latest crushes, sharing jokes and poking fun at peers and teachers alike. We were just two teenage girls having a blast with each other, sharing laughter and joy, sorrow and pain. I grew to love her as she was my best friend that I had unwittingly stumbled on. Or maybe it was Lady Luck deciding to be generous to me. Not that I’m complaining. Oh no, quite on the contrary, actually.
However, everything is not always smiles and sunshine. There’s bound to be some rainy days, and sometimes, a raging storm ready to take on anything in its path. The road to friendship is always not a smooth one. Bumps and bruises will surely be earned by travelers. Needless to say, we had our fair share of fights and disagreements. At times it gets so bad that we wouldn’t speak or give each other the cold shoulder. Those were the low points of my life as I would be feeling miserable and lonely. Even so, after every storm, there is a rainbow. We would eventually calm down and apologize to one another for being silly. All was good.
I opened my eyes and shifted in my seat to a more comfortable position, accidently jostling Miu.
“ Meaowww,” protested Miu looking annoyed at being disturbed from her slumber.
I laughed softly and stroked her tabby fur gently. As Miu started to drift off again, another memory came floating in my mind’s eye. This was one during the end of year school holidays. I was sprawled beside her on the bed. We were chatting away like we always did. After a while, she propped herself up on her elbows and looked at me.
“Sha”, she started slowly, “I won’t be here for long”, she said as she peered at me closely.
I was puzzled and turned to her. “Why? Are you going anywhere?,” I asked.
Her eyes turned dark as she answered, “My family is moving to the US soon. Next week, as a matter of fact,”
I was struck numb and was too dumbfounded to speak. After a few minutes of staring at her, I managed to croak, “Are you serious?”. My voice was barely audible as I was so shocked. A flood of questions swam in my mind as the information settled in.
She looked away and nodded her head. I could feel hot tears prickling my eyes as I said, “Why didn’t you tell me, honey?,”. Tears were starting to blur my vision.
“I didn’t want you to hurt. I figured it would be best for me to tell u later,” she told me. I could see hurt in her eyes as she lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes pleading for me to understand. I bit my lip to prevent a sob from escaping. After a few moments of silence, I quelled my tears for a minute.
“Will you forget me, Eyin?,” I whispered, barely audible.
At this, her eyes took on a strange look and said in a voice full of determination, “Of course not. I won’t forget you, I love you,”
Upon hearing this, whatever defenses I was trying to build fell apart like a house of cards on a windy day. She held me as I sobbed and cried my heart out. Soon after, I fell asleep hugging her. The next day, I had to go back and I didn’t have time to visit her until the day of her departure.
I arrived at the airport unsure of what I wanted to say or do. All I wanted was to see her. I took her aside and walked for a bit around the airport. At a spot, I stopped and pulled out a necklace to give to her. It was a delicate thing with a gold pendant in a heart shape. The word “BFF” was engraved on the back. It glinted under the harsh fluorescent lighting as she held it in her hands. Wordlessly, she put it on her neck. Seeing the tiny gold heart against her skin strangely made me feel better and eased the ache that has been haunting me since she broke the news. We walked and talked some more while the minutes to her departure ticked on. All too soon, it was time for her to board the plane. I held her hands as we walked towards the departure hall.
At the point where a hulking guard stood by to allow only passengers to pass through, I embraced her once more.
“ Take care dear. Keep the necklace okay?,” I said as my heart felt like breaking into a million tiny pieces.
“I will. You too alright? Don’t cry when you get home,” she answered.
I nodded my head and tried to stop the tears from flowing again. After we pulled away, I watched her as she made her way to the immigration counter. I waved goodbye and watched till she disappeared around the corner. I turned and slowly made my way to the car. It was starting to rain.
“Mommy, I can’t sleep,” the voice of my five year old son, Sean, came from behind the doorway. The cloud of memories instantly vanished. I turned to see Sean and his twin, Owen, holding hands making their way to where I was. I could see that Owen had tried to calm his brother down because he looked at me anxiously and said, “Sean had a bad dream, mommy. He woke up and asked for you. We didn’t see you with daddy. So we came out,”
“Shh.. Its alright baby, mommy’s here,” I cooed as I picked the twins and cuddled them in my arms. They snuggled against me and soon fell asleep curled up against each other. I carried them and tucked them in their beds. As I pulled the blanket around them, the sight of the bands that I wore around my hands caught my eye. I walked back into the room I shared with Eli and laid beside him. When sleep started to encircle me, I put my hands that wore those bands beside my face.
“Goodnight Eyin. I love you so much,” I murmured as sleep finally came.
“Its a beautiful night”, I said to no one in particular.
I sighed contently as I lowered myself on the patio chair. The grandfather clock in the living room chimed as it struck 12 midnight. Miu, our family cat, padded across the room on her velvety paws and leapt onto my lap. She purred happily as I scratched her behind the ears.
“Caught any mouse, Miu?,” i said to the cat.
Miu mewed back in response as if to answer my question. I gazed back towards the dark Pacific Ocean in front of me. The rhythm of the waves breaking on the shore and the night sounds surrounded me as I stretched out on the chair. It soothed my senses and made me feel at peace. I closed my eyes, allowing a flurry of memories to come back and encase me in a whirl of emotions.
It was a bright Tuesday morning, I recalled. I first noticed her as she went up the stage. She was a gangly fourteen-year-old youth awkwardly making her way towards Cikgu Isa, our Discipline Master. He handed over the dark green tie emblazoned with our school logo to her and posed for a picture. She was now officially a prefect. After that, she made her way down the steps and walked the aisle towards me at the back row. She sat herself on the empty seat beside me. I immediately struck up a conversation with her as I was already bored by the twenty minutes trying to keep myself from yawning and sinking into a stupor. I was really bored to that point. As we talked, I instantly captured because I didn’t meet many fourteen-year-olds who could talk about the things we did, much less with a seventeen-year-old like me. We were whispering so animatedly that we didn’t even realize that assembly was over until the scraping of the metal chairs signaling the end of the assembly. Our school had recess after our chapel session. I brought my tray of food and sat with her while we talked and ate our breakfast. By the time the bell rang for lessons to resume, I walked back to my class feeling slightly elated as I might have found someone who is on the same wavelength as I am. In case you’re wondering why I said that, let me put it this way. Although my class has 40 students and I’m in my seventeenth year, I still couldn’t find anyone who could talk like her and that intrigued my curiosity.
Since that day onwards, I started spending time with her. It didn’t matter to me that she was two years younger than me and some people deem it uncool for a senior to be hanging around a junior, or so says the social strata of today’s teenagers. Keep to the status quo, people. But I didn’t give a hoot about that. We slowly opened up and get to know each other better. I would confide in her and talk to her about things I don’t usually tell people. It was strange how it worked that way. I was her shoulder to cry on and hers, mine. We spent many happy days in each other other’s company. All those times we spent sweating over exams, gushing over latest crushes, sharing jokes and poking fun at peers and teachers alike. We were just two teenage girls having a blast with each other, sharing laughter and joy, sorrow and pain. I grew to love her as she was my best friend that I had unwittingly stumbled on. Or maybe it was Lady Luck deciding to be generous to me. Not that I’m complaining. Oh no, quite on the contrary, actually.
However, everything is not always smiles and sunshine. There’s bound to be some rainy days, and sometimes, a raging storm ready to take on anything in its path. The road to friendship is always not a smooth one. Bumps and bruises will surely be earned by travelers. Needless to say, we had our fair share of fights and disagreements. At times it gets so bad that we wouldn’t speak or give each other the cold shoulder. Those were the low points of my life as I would be feeling miserable and lonely. Even so, after every storm, there is a rainbow. We would eventually calm down and apologize to one another for being silly. All was good.
I opened my eyes and shifted in my seat to a more comfortable position, accidently jostling Miu.
“ Meaowww,” protested Miu looking annoyed at being disturbed from her slumber.
I laughed softly and stroked her tabby fur gently. As Miu started to drift off again, another memory came floating in my mind’s eye. This was one during the end of year school holidays. I was sprawled beside her on the bed. We were chatting away like we always did. After a while, she propped herself up on her elbows and looked at me.
“Sha”, she started slowly, “I won’t be here for long”, she said as she peered at me closely.
I was puzzled and turned to her. “Why? Are you going anywhere?,” I asked.
Her eyes turned dark as she answered, “My family is moving to the US soon. Next week, as a matter of fact,”
I was struck numb and was too dumbfounded to speak. After a few minutes of staring at her, I managed to croak, “Are you serious?”. My voice was barely audible as I was so shocked. A flood of questions swam in my mind as the information settled in.
She looked away and nodded her head. I could feel hot tears prickling my eyes as I said, “Why didn’t you tell me, honey?,”. Tears were starting to blur my vision.
“I didn’t want you to hurt. I figured it would be best for me to tell u later,” she told me. I could see hurt in her eyes as she lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes pleading for me to understand. I bit my lip to prevent a sob from escaping. After a few moments of silence, I quelled my tears for a minute.
“Will you forget me, Eyin?,” I whispered, barely audible.
At this, her eyes took on a strange look and said in a voice full of determination, “Of course not. I won’t forget you, I love you,”
Upon hearing this, whatever defenses I was trying to build fell apart like a house of cards on a windy day. She held me as I sobbed and cried my heart out. Soon after, I fell asleep hugging her. The next day, I had to go back and I didn’t have time to visit her until the day of her departure.
I arrived at the airport unsure of what I wanted to say or do. All I wanted was to see her. I took her aside and walked for a bit around the airport. At a spot, I stopped and pulled out a necklace to give to her. It was a delicate thing with a gold pendant in a heart shape. The word “BFF” was engraved on the back. It glinted under the harsh fluorescent lighting as she held it in her hands. Wordlessly, she put it on her neck. Seeing the tiny gold heart against her skin strangely made me feel better and eased the ache that has been haunting me since she broke the news. We walked and talked some more while the minutes to her departure ticked on. All too soon, it was time for her to board the plane. I held her hands as we walked towards the departure hall.
At the point where a hulking guard stood by to allow only passengers to pass through, I embraced her once more.
“ Take care dear. Keep the necklace okay?,” I said as my heart felt like breaking into a million tiny pieces.
“I will. You too alright? Don’t cry when you get home,” she answered.
I nodded my head and tried to stop the tears from flowing again. After we pulled away, I watched her as she made her way to the immigration counter. I waved goodbye and watched till she disappeared around the corner. I turned and slowly made my way to the car. It was starting to rain.
“Mommy, I can’t sleep,” the voice of my five year old son, Sean, came from behind the doorway. The cloud of memories instantly vanished. I turned to see Sean and his twin, Owen, holding hands making their way to where I was. I could see that Owen had tried to calm his brother down because he looked at me anxiously and said, “Sean had a bad dream, mommy. He woke up and asked for you. We didn’t see you with daddy. So we came out,”
“Shh.. Its alright baby, mommy’s here,” I cooed as I picked the twins and cuddled them in my arms. They snuggled against me and soon fell asleep curled up against each other. I carried them and tucked them in their beds. As I pulled the blanket around them, the sight of the bands that I wore around my hands caught my eye. I walked back into the room I shared with Eli and laid beside him. When sleep started to encircle me, I put my hands that wore those bands beside my face.
“Goodnight Eyin. I love you so much,” I murmured as sleep finally came.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Hey...
Hey u,
yesh, yesh, u..
how are u?
miss u, u know..
so how's life over there?
come visit me sometime kay?
i know, i know..
u hate me.
but hey, for old time's sake, come around sometimes kay?
heh..
school's great.. joined footie club, gonna go futsal-ing till march, baru start real football...
still trying to get my head on add maths, physics's totally out of qs, chem's okay, bio's suck-ish..
and umm.. i feel like eating pijja. random, i know, but i wanna eat pijja. made plans with da gang to go mamam during CNY holidays =)
and u know wad?
mami n dadi coming in for cny!!! hhehehehee.. miss them lots.. my turn to get visited now, since u and keenen got visited adie..
and hey..
sorry i took ur time kay..
sorry u had to stay up and act all those times..
sorry u had to waste ur money..
u could've said, u know.. i would've just gone away, u didn't really have to stay and bear some fugly asshole for 7 whole months..
and a month after u went to UK, i still insisted on IMing u, SMSing and all.. still disturbed u in ur studies.. am sorry..
thanks for staying though..
even if it was all an act..
thank you..
u take care of urself there ya?
=)
yesh, yesh, u..
how are u?
miss u, u know..
so how's life over there?
come visit me sometime kay?
i know, i know..
u hate me.
but hey, for old time's sake, come around sometimes kay?
heh..
school's great.. joined footie club, gonna go futsal-ing till march, baru start real football...
still trying to get my head on add maths, physics's totally out of qs, chem's okay, bio's suck-ish..
and umm.. i feel like eating pijja. random, i know, but i wanna eat pijja. made plans with da gang to go mamam during CNY holidays =)
and u know wad?
mami n dadi coming in for cny!!! hhehehehee.. miss them lots.. my turn to get visited now, since u and keenen got visited adie..
and hey..
sorry i took ur time kay..
sorry u had to stay up and act all those times..
sorry u had to waste ur money..
u could've said, u know.. i would've just gone away, u didn't really have to stay and bear some fugly asshole for 7 whole months..
and a month after u went to UK, i still insisted on IMing u, SMSing and all.. still disturbed u in ur studies.. am sorry..
thanks for staying though..
even if it was all an act..
thank you..
u take care of urself there ya?
=)
Friday, January 29, 2010
Lodge
OH MAI GAWD
who knew i'd survive a month here?
and im not TAT behind toO!!
hahahahhaa
da pep'z here are awesome,
Simply Sedap sucks,
so does Mrs Ngu (kinda)
grew to like Bustaman
Lynn's great, and she's a kLutz :D
Flo's da very essence of smartness
SHA IS STILL HERE WITH ME I LOVE U BABY !!!
hahah
so much more
LOL
=))
bye~
who knew i'd survive a month here?
and im not TAT behind toO!!
hahahahhaa
da pep'z here are awesome,
Simply Sedap sucks,
so does Mrs Ngu (kinda)
grew to like Bustaman
Lynn's great, and she's a kLutz :D
Flo's da very essence of smartness
SHA IS STILL HERE WITH ME I LOVE U BABY !!!
hahah
so much more
LOL
=))
bye~
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
mwaahhhhhxx...!!
*giggles*
hihihihiiiii..!!!
NEXT SUNDAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
*laffs*
hehehehehahaahahhahahahahaaaa...
cant wait. its basically da highlight of January. My morbid january needs some light. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *giggles*
anyway..
u. yes, u. thanks for being there. all the time. i LOVE u. no no... i LOVE u more. *kiasu* hehehheee..
LOVE U SHASHA!!!
remember? :)
hihihihiiiii..!!!
NEXT SUNDAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
*laffs*
hehehehehahaahahhahahahahaaaa...
cant wait. its basically da highlight of January. My morbid january needs some light. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *giggles*
anyway..
u. yes, u. thanks for being there. all the time. i LOVE u. no no... i LOVE u more. *kiasu* hehehheee..
LOVE U SHASHA!!!
remember? :)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
. . . . . .
do u ask a child to tend to a bullet shot?..
a homeless to provide sanctuary?..
a shattered soul to provide comfort?..
a liar, to provide truth?..
HOW..
WHY...
NOW.......
a homeless to provide sanctuary?..
a shattered soul to provide comfort?..
a liar, to provide truth?..
HOW..
WHY...
NOW.......
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
55 Days
barely 55 days has passed since Grandma's passing..
* 20.11.2009 - 14.01.2010 *
RIP Grandma
RIP Beckham Jordan
RIP Owen Jordan
RIP Eli Jordan
RIP Keenen Mustermanks
RIP Zekiel van der Marx
Thats an average of 1 person per 9 1/2 days.
How can one not be bitter about life this way?
What, will life be cruel enough to make the 7th person go too? Next month?
This is F-king crazy.
* 20.11.2009 - 14.01.2010 *
RIP Grandma
RIP Beckham Jordan
RIP Owen Jordan
RIP Eli Jordan
RIP Keenen Mustermanks
RIP Zekiel van der Marx
Thats an average of 1 person per 9 1/2 days.
How can one not be bitter about life this way?
What, will life be cruel enough to make the 7th person go too? Next month?
This is F-king crazy.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Ultimate Meal
a meal to die for. :D
the drink...
the Revered Teh Botol Sosro
the main course...
what's more tempting than a packet of steaming Indomie, especially THIS particular one, dubbed the HOLY MEE?
the dessert..
A plate of Indonesian Gado2..!
what more can one ask for??
:D
cheers..~
the drink...
the Revered Teh Botol Sosrothe main course...
what's more tempting than a packet of steaming Indomie, especially THIS particular one, dubbed the HOLY MEE?the dessert..
A plate of Indonesian Gado2..!what more can one ask for??
:D
cheers..~
Monday, January 11, 2010
2009
Time to reminiscence on the year 2009 :)
-MY TRIBUTE-
2009
My 15th year being on this earth.
i guess... a turning-- no. THE turning point of my life.
2009 taught me many things that changed me - for better or for worse. :) but yeah, 15 is the year that i really grew. mentally, physically n spiritually.
This year....
I learned the true meaning of friendship.
Friends stay up nites just to wait.
Friends share everything, no boundaries.
Friends stick up for each other.
Friends don't mind being woken up at ungodly hours just to talk.
Friends hurt when parted.
Friends accepts each other for who they are.
Friendship means great communication.
A shoulder to cry on. Hugs ready all the time. Agape love.
This year....
i learned to be more patient
to think two steps ahead
i learned that life is not all about the present, but also the future.
patience brings forth good things
i learnt not to act harsh, to think twice, to watch what i say.
2009 especially taught me to endure extreme conditions!!
36 hour non-sleeping marathon
8 hour non-stop talking on HP
2 hours of sleep + 22 hours active for 7 days straight
talking to 'maria'
juggling studies and nightlife
HAHAHAHA
am getting good at tat :)
-MY TRIBUTE-
2009
My 15th year being on this earth.
i guess... a turning-- no. THE turning point of my life.
2009 taught me many things that changed me - for better or for worse. :) but yeah, 15 is the year that i really grew. mentally, physically n spiritually.
This year....
I learned the true meaning of friendship.
Friends stay up nites just to wait.
Friends share everything, no boundaries.
Friends stick up for each other.
Friends don't mind being woken up at ungodly hours just to talk.
Friends hurt when parted.
Friends accepts each other for who they are.
Friendship means great communication.
A shoulder to cry on. Hugs ready all the time. Agape love.
This year....
i learned to be more patient
to think two steps ahead
i learned that life is not all about the present, but also the future.
patience brings forth good things
i learnt not to act harsh, to think twice, to watch what i say.
2009 especially taught me to endure extreme conditions!!
36 hour non-sleeping marathon
8 hour non-stop talking on HP
2 hours of sleep + 22 hours active for 7 days straight
talking to 'maria'
juggling studies and nightlife
HAHAHAHA
am getting good at tat :)
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Beckham J. and Owen J., always in my heart.
Dearest Beckham n Owen..
was talking to ur mom about u two cuties...
still hurts to see anything related to u both, u know?
i still remember, in September '09...
rushing to the shops to find Moccachips..
restraining from eating holy mee, so da both of u can eat 'em..
resisting da tempation of TB, so u both can dwink 'em..
watching ur mom over eating, laffing at her, being with..
looking at u guy's grow..
MU fans adie from small..
i miss u both a lot, tho i never met u personally..
and..
da first time i saw u both,
it felt like i've known u for a long while!
so identical :)
same brownish fair hair, same hard cheekbones, and ur eyes, so unlike ur mommy.. must be ur daddy :)
but u both have her smile!!
one so bash, the other quiet inward.. but hey, u told me u don't like Sean huh? :)
i'm dedicating this blog to u, the two of u, and u guys keep ur promise n come back fast, ok? ur mommy n daddy misses u..
Lots of Love, mami eYiN
was talking to ur mom about u two cuties...
still hurts to see anything related to u both, u know?
i still remember, in September '09...
rushing to the shops to find Moccachips..
restraining from eating holy mee, so da both of u can eat 'em..
resisting da tempation of TB, so u both can dwink 'em..
watching ur mom over eating, laffing at her, being with..
looking at u guy's grow..
MU fans adie from small..
i miss u both a lot, tho i never met u personally..
and..
da first time i saw u both,
it felt like i've known u for a long while!
so identical :)
same brownish fair hair, same hard cheekbones, and ur eyes, so unlike ur mommy.. must be ur daddy :)
but u both have her smile!!
one so bash, the other quiet inward.. but hey, u told me u don't like Sean huh? :)
i'm dedicating this blog to u, the two of u, and u guys keep ur promise n come back fast, ok? ur mommy n daddy misses u..
Lots of Love, mami eYiN
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